Sometimes during my training sessions I work with a stew with some basic experience but who has particular areas that are problematic, such as how to set a table for meal service, how to bartend, or how to perform housekeeping duties efficienlty.

Sometimes, the stew has no experience at all, which means we begin by writing a daily schedule and defining which duties need to be completed and when. It usually involves some aspect of learning to work more efficiently with the tools and materials you've been given.

More often, however, we work on learning how to ease the stress that builds up when you are working under pressure with the serious limitations in workspace and storage on yachts. I've come to see that for so many stews, the key to being successful is attitude and the effect we have on those around us.

What it boils down to is relationships. You have to learn to work out your own emotional stuff, and so does everyone else. It can be really hard to work with someone who tries to control us or hold power over us.

There are lots of ways we all try to control each other, but true service is not about that. I just finished reading a great little book called "The Shack" by. Wm. Paul Young. He makes an interesting observation about relationships and service, saying "Relationships are never about power. One way to avoid the will to hold power over another is to choose to limit oneself-to serve. People often do this- in touching the infirm and sick, in loving the very old and the very young, or even in caring for someone who has assumed power over us. I never thought of it that way. Talk about humility.

Still, Young's definition of service hasn't even scratched the surface of the level of service we in yachting are accustomed to.

It can be difficult to maintain a neutral position in the face of all this but by doing so we gain a great deal of knowledge about ourselves. After all, our own feelings and responses are the only things we actually do control.

One of the greatest sources of frustration I see on yachts is when crew members have different levels of experience and thus hold different levels of expectations toward their fellow crew members. The more experience you have, the more adept you become at fitting into a standard role and it's accompanying expectations...and the more alluring it can be to view yourself as the authority.

It can be tough to provide structure for less experienced crew while at the same time leading by example and sharing your knowledge. But that's what we must do. Make it more about relationship and less about power and control.

It can be easy to criticize others to lessen our own frustrations. But this is counterproductive and merely shifts responsibility for dealing with our own problems onto someone else.

Unfortunately, society in general and yachts in particular are based on hierarchy and chain of command. This system of order tears down relationships rather than promotes them.

So what's a stew to do?

We all know how important personal and professional boundaries are, both to keep from being taken advantage of and to prevent ourselves from crossing the line with guests. It helps to realize one redeeming social value: The end justifies the means because it's not the work itself but the purpose of all this service that makes it special.

"Every time you reach out and touch a heart or life, the world changes," Wm. Paul Young writes in "The Shack." "With every kindness or service, seen or unseen, [great] purposes are accomplished and nothing will ever be the same again."

You have to truly believe that the heart and soul of service is a beautiful thing. Remember that the next time you bemoan the fact you have not had a day off in months, your back hurts and, oh yeah, you don't love cleaning.

I have found that yes, there are many fundamental skills that must be mastered in a stew's job. But the interpersonal skills are just as important and are the key to success in a yachting career.

Alene Keenan has been a megayacht stewardess for 19 years. She has recently begun teaching ten day intensive Silver Service and Yacht Management courses at Maritime Professional Training in Fort Lauderdale, Fl. Alene also offers onboard training, seminars, workshops, and consultations through her company stew solutions "www.stewsolutions.com"

Comments on this column are welcome at editorial@the-triton.com.